Tag Archive | wounds

Life on the other side of the wall

 

 

I know.. that title is a bit strange. It is a description of my life for the last 8 months. When I moved out of my condo last September and moved in with my daughter’s family there was a lot of life in that home.. on the other side of my wall. In my room there wasn’t much. Then I moved again 3 months later and there was a lot of life in my friends’ home and once again there wasn’t much life in my room. I had to move again. Here I am living on the other side of the wall and there is a wonderful family that rents this in law unit .. living fully each day. In every situation I have experienced being on the outside of life. The life I once knew is gone.. Steve is living in a facility and will never come out. As for me.. only the Lord knows if I will ever really feel like I am living again.

Before this last move I was sure I would not have to live in a situation where I could hear a family but not really be a part of it. Apparently that was my desire but not what God had in mind. He brought me here ..where once again.. I am an outsider.. living alone in my own room.

What is this all about? I am not totally sure .. I do have memories of my childhood that may be connected. My parents were very close and growing up I often felt like an outsider in my own family. My sister wormed her way into their united front by becoming the child with all the problems.. I continued to be on the outside as life unfolded on the other side of the wall.. Could the Lord be doing some healing in me? I hope so. I am tired of feeling that I am an outsider.. someone who doesn’t fit in.. who is not included. Now.. I am wondering.. is there a root issue that needs to be dealt with in my life?

One thing that I do know about God is that He often puts us in the very circumstances that will cause our old stuff to rise to the surface. Why? To torture us? No .. to show us that we need to let go of the old stuff to give it to HIm and ask Him to heal us in the broken places. To tell you the truth I just realized that I had this issue as I started writing this post. I want the healing but it is not easy.. the old feelings are working their way to the surface.. When we bury old feelings they don’t die, they are buried alive and they will be triggered by our current circumstances… it is a tool that God uses to bring freedom. He wants to pull off the band aids and heal the wounds. He wants to pull out the arrows in our heart that have been there all our lives.

I love being part of that process in other people’s lives.. probably why I became a counselor.. Right now I am in need of healing and He is at work in these very circumstances.. getting my attention.. revealing the old hurts and pain that I have kept hidden from myself all these years.. So here I am in my room..just like I was as a teenager.. hearing the life.. on the other side of the wall.. only this time when I come out of my room I won’t be an outsider I will know that I am complete in Him. He is the healer and His purposes will be fulfilled in my life and in yours. Are you in your room right now? After all we are being told to stay inside in our rooms.. an interesting time to check in with the Lord and ask Him what wounds He may want to heal that you have carried inside your heart all these years.

Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.. Psalm 30:2

 

Pain

Even typing this word isn’t easy. Pain scares me.. I fear staying in pain..experiencing more pain..not getting relief from pain. Yet much of my life has been filled with pain..emotional and physical. God works through the pain and suffering of this life. He speaks to us through our pain. We want it to be gone..we will do almost anything to get rid of it. The drug industry is prospering because we don’t want to feel pain. We want to numb ourselves and find a way out. Are we missing something?

God uses pain in our lives to get my attention. It causes us to stop and turn to Him..to desire desperately to hear from Him. Without pain we can just continue on my merry way without realizing that He is after something. He stops us in our tracks. We want the pain to go away..He wants to use it to bring something to the surface that is hidden. Emotional and physical pain can be connected. Buried emotions are stored in our bodies..buried alive. They are clamoring for attention.. God wants to dig them up so we can be free. It sounds terrible but it is not. There is pain involved..but less pain than the pain we feel when they are covered up.

Our present circumstances often trigger old pain..the wound is not healed..it has a band-aid covering it. Let Him open it up..He wants to apply the balm of Gilead and bring healing. Our God is our healer.. He binds up our wounds and restores our broken hearts and bodies. He is reaching out right now..to you..wherever you are. He loves you with an everlasting love..He wants to set you free and take you to a new place.

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”

Ezekiel 34

I read this chapter for the first time..or maybe I just understood it for the first time almost a decade ago. It is a powerful picture of what is happening today. Here’s a quote ” What sorrow awaits you shepherds who feed yourselves instead of your flock.” How many people are being fed and nurtured inside our churches? Not enough. How many shepherds are only concerned about themselves? Too many. Many of God’s people won’t set foot in a church..it is not hard to understand why. Something has gone very wrong.

Ezekiel’s message is for those people The Lord says “I now consider these shepherds my enemies and I will hold them responsible for what happened to my flock.” God sees. God knows. He is pursuing those who have been hurt. His desire is to heal their broken hearts. He wants to pour the balm of Gilead on their wounds. His heart breaks for every person who has been hurt by those they trusted the most. He knows that pain..remember Judas?

If you are one of these people..remember that He is the same..He has not changed..He is for you..He is with you and you belong to Him.

God says ” I myself will search and find my sheep. I will be like a shepherd looking for a scattered flock. I will find my sheep and rescue them from all the places where they were scattered…I will bring them safely home again. I will bandage the injured and strengthen the weak.”