It has been a while since I wrote on my blog.. I began this blog in March of 2010. So here I am 12 years later living a life I could never have imagined. If you have been following me, you know that my life turned upside down in 2019 when my husband was hospitalized for early onset dementia and he went to be with Jesus in August of 2020.. during the pandemic.. I moved, gave away everything and eventually ended up where I am living now. On March 30th of 2020 I moved here.. that was our 18th wedding anniversary.. if he were here we would be celebrating our 20th anniversary in a few weeks.
My life started over … living alone for the first time.. widowed for the second time and now facing a very uncertain future. How long will I be here? What lies ahead? Is there another season for me? I was only 51 when I was widowed for the first time and it was clear that I would have another season.. in many ways it was the best part of my life.. My daughter married, I married again and the grandchildren were born. Now I am much older and the grandkids are almost grown.. It is more difficult to imagine that there is more in store for me.. yet at the same time, I am here and I could live much longer. My mother just turned 100 in November.. good genes.
The biggest challenge is living in the uncertainty daily. What is God up to ? Will He help me to find a new path.. a new direction.. a new purpose? Well.. He knows me and He shaped me so I believe He will do all these things and more.. but the waiting is difficult. I have never been a patient person.. it is hard to live without knowing. .Yet there is one thing I do know and that is that He is faithful and will never change.. I lost my husband, my job, my things, and even my health has been challenged, but I cannot lose the Lord… the losses are hard, the grief continues , but He seems more real and closer to me than ever before. He is with me, He is for me, He follows me, and He leads me as I trust Him.
The Bible verses on fear have helped me so much during this time.. here is one of my favorites.
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Do you face an uncertain future? Look to Him .. He will never fail you.
About a week ago we visited the Sonoma coast area and went for a long walk along the cliffs above the beach. We started out in the mid afternoon and as we walked the fog began to settle all around us. Soon it was like a shroud that came in and made it impossible to see much of anything but the path in front of us.
As we were walking I kept thing that it was a visual picture of the very experience we were having with the Lord. We know we are on the right path yet we are unable to see much beyond the next few steps. The fog is thick .. keeping us from seeing anything that will happen in the future. There was a strange beauty in this foggy scene..not the type that is so obvious on a sunny day with blue skies and white puffy clouds or the amazing view of the foamy white waves breaking on the shore below us. There was a subtle beauty that was expressing itself in the grey mist all around us.
It was food for thought for me. Here we were in this place knowing that on a different day we would have seen all those things I just wrote about. But God brought us out there on this type of day..to be in the fog.. to be with Him. Later as I thought through all this.. I realized that He was in that fog with us..guiding us down the path. One day soon we will see those blue skies and the sparkling water. For now..it is time to take His hand and keep walking.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19
First of all, I am the ENFJ temperament. We don’t love uncertainty at all. We love closure.. we like to plan and to see those plans unfold. We enjoy completing things and reaching goals. We take it personally when people can’t seem to answer phone calls or emails..it leaves us hanging.. wondering if we did something wrong or if they just got too busy.
For me..uncertainty feels like the enemy.. if only everything could be settled. Life with God is not that way. We live in an adventure and that means there will be twists and turns as we follow Him. Our lives will be filled with surprises and unexpected circumstances..some wonderful.. others difficult. A life of faith means letting go of wanting to know..yes I said ” wanting to know.” Learning to live with uncertainty.
So.. my new prayer.. “Lord help me live in this uncertainty that you have allowed in my life.” It draws me back to Him. He is the only sure thing. He is unchanging and His character is always the same. Our future may be uncertain. We are waiting for many things..wondering how long it will all take. The only safe place for me and for you is staying close to the heart of God.
I am certain of His love for me.. and for you. I am certain He will always take care of me..and you. I am certain that He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I am certain that I am the apple of His eye and so are you. I am certain that He is holding me in the palm of His hand and I see you there with me. He has us right where He wants us and He will not fail us.
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
I’ve been thinking about this all day. The world is shaking..unstable..uncertainty is becoming normal. The future is hidden behind a wall of doubt and fear. What will happen next? It could all be totally overwhelming..except for one thing. We are standing on the rock. The Lord is that solid ground. The shaking in this world does not take Him by surprise..He is not caught off guard.
Think about King Jehoshaphat in the book of 2nd Chronicles. He faced insurmountable odds. A great army was marching against Him..coming from the Dead Sea. He was afraid and begged the Lord for guidance. In this story he goes to God and begins to cry out. He praises God and reminds Him of all the good things He has done for His people. Then He says something remarkable ” We can cry out to you to save us and you will hear us and rescue us.” He does all of this while he is feeling terrified.
He literally stands before the Lord with his people..men, women, and children and waits to hear an answer. He says ” We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.” Then God speaks through one of the people present telling them “Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” Amazing!
He meets Jehoshaphat and his people in the midst of their ordeal.. He reassures them while they are afraid and He promises to take care of everything. This is the same God who is with us..even when we are terrified, doubtful, and shaking..He is the God who has the answers and waits for us to need Him desperately.. just like Jehoshaphat. Our solid rock!
” You will not even need to fight. Take your positions, then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory.”