Relationships are messy..

Even under the best of circumstances..this is true. Many of us lean toward the world of  “happily ever after.” We wish that everything would go smoothly and turn out just right. We want to avoid the hard moments..the challenging conversations..the boundaries..we wish we never had to disappoint..we love harmony..we don’t like saying no..we want everyone ( including us) to be happy.

None of these things are possible in authentic relationships.  When we are our true selves we will disappoint..we will have to confront..we will need to say no. We can’t meet all the needs of those we love or please them continually. If we try we become co-dependent and unhealthy. We can’t wait to meet perfect people in order to go deep realtionally..because there are none. We are imperfect and so is everyone else. All we can do is dive into the messiness..realize that there is no way around it. We can be grateful for those relationships that are easy and pleasurable and for those that are challenging and difficult.

Our only secure place relationally is in the arms of God. He is always the same..always able to love us and care for us..He won’t surprise us with rejection or judgment. He never turns on us or runs from us. In fact.. He is the opposite. He knows our faults and flaws and accepts us exactly as we are. He makes it easy for us. He is our refuge when people are just too much..when life is overwhelming. He is our hiding place. He is with us!

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

 

One another

The whole one another thing is difficult. We are to love one another..to bear each other’s burdens. It is difficult because we need each other and yet we must have boundaries..places where we stop. The trick is to learn what this means. Where does my world end and another person’s begins? How much should I give? What is God saying about all this? Our world is an unhealthy place..privacy is hard to define now that we have the internet. What is our own personal struggle and what do we want the whole world to know? I’m a blogger so I certainly don’t have it all figured out.

So much of what I write is based on my struggles and trials..yet most of the details remain hidden.  I believe that there is an art to sharing without over sharing. Not just online but everywhere. There are some places where it is safe to open up completely..others where that is way too risky. We need wisdom to understand the difference. God is clear when He tells us we need each other..there is no confusion there. At the same time we need Him more. He is completely safe every single moment of every single day. He won’t use what we bring to Him to hurt us or someone else. People may..not always intentionally..but people are people..imperfect and flawed. (myself included)

So..be real.. be authentic..but be careful. Trust God..take risks and ask for help when you need it. Remember that we were created for Him and for one another. No one can take His place in our hearts but there are those around you that He has placed there for ” such a time as this.”

“So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart.. I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding”