Yes, I am still writing on this blog. I thought I was going to retire it, but then I checked and saw that people were still reading it even though it has been months since I wrote a post.. that was encouraging. So I am going to attempt to breathe new life into this space on the internet.
I chose the title “Forgiveness” because the Lord has been leading me towards a greater understanding of what that truly means. Throughout my life I have desired to forgive those who have hurt me and spent many hours praying and searching for tools that would help me let go of any pain that was lingering. I made progress but never felt like I could truly let go of the past.. the wounds were so deep.
Then the Lord took my husband Steve home.. almost 2 years ago.. I lost my home and most of my possessions.. I lost my life. This tragedy could have been prevented.. by God. Yet He allowed it. This was fertile ground for the enemy to turn me against the Lord and fill me with bitterness.. I had to forgive God for causing me so much pain.. it was very difficult. I wrestled with it .. I hated it and I continued to turn towards the Lord and not away from Him.. where else would I go?
August 30th will be the two year anniversary of Steve’s death.. it seems like it just happened and it seems like it was a hundred years ago. In these two years my relationship with the Lord has deepened as I spent hours and days alone with him.. there was Covid and I fell and injured my back.. l was living in isolation. For months I could barely do anything.. no driving and no walking.. then I began to heal.. I can drive.. but not too often and I can walk.. but not very far.. the pain is better but not gone.
So what happened during all that time? I began to depend more and more on the Lord and less and less on myself..as I drew near to Him I prayed for healing of my body and emotions. He gave me the desire to forgive everyone who had hurt me and then provided a way for that to happen.. I found myself forgiving people from the past.. some of them I actually saw in real life.. others I did not, but I was able to let go. I told the Lord that I wanted to be cleaned out and to let it all go.. to be set free of all bitterness and pain.
I am entering a season where there is much more freedom and the past is losing its grip on me.. it is amazing. With this new freedom is a deeper revelation of the forgiveness I have received from Him.. it is all tied up together. So the worst thing that could ever happen to me happened and it is bearing fruit in my life. Everyday is still challenging, I miss Steve terribly and I truly don’t enjoy living alone, but I have hope now.. hope that my trial and journey will help others. Hope that I can truly say to those who are suffering ” He is with you and He will pick up the pieces of your life and make something beautiful.”
Now the Lord is Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom!