Grieving and living

It has been five weeks since Steve went to be with the Lord and I miss him every single day. Part of me wants him back but another part knows that he is better off where he is and I need to try to begin again. It is very difficult. there are constant reminders of our life together and the continuing empty places I stumble across that can only be filled with his presence.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.. I have so much time alone that I can’t run from my thoughts and feelings.. a mixed blessing.. How do I grieve and still live? A big question when you lose your spouse, best friend and your biggest fan. I don’t know the answer since I am learning how to do this every single day.

There are very sad moments and lonely days. There are difficult nights and early mornings that seem endless. My mind entertains way too many thoughts about the future.. everyone tells me to stay in the present.. that is very hard when the present is so far from what I wish it was.. yet I see the wisdom in that advice.. I also know I need to believe that the future is going to be better than the present..

I had a conversation with someone who seemed to want to convince me that a better future might never come.. that some things never change.. that we need to be prepared to accept the present even if we are unhappy and longing for something more. That conversation was very hard.. it seemed to undermine everything I believe about God.

The God I know is always doing a new thing. He is a God filled with love for His children. He puts desires in our hearts because He wants us to ask for things and then believe that He will come through and answer us. He is the redeemer. He takes what is meant for evil and turns it into something good. His ways are not our ways. He is always for us.. ahead of us, preparing the way for us. This is the God of Romans 8:28.. He takes all things and uses them for good in our lives.. ALL THINGs.. He will do much more than we could ever ask or imagine and we will see His goodness in the land of the living.

He rescues us.. searches for us.. pursues us. His heart is for us and His plans for us are for our good and He will never harm us. My life is proof of this. God is not in a box that we create.. He has more for us than living in our own small sad stories.. There is a larger story and He is the hero of that story.. coming to save and restore us over and over again.

So.. yes I am grieving and sad and lonely.. but God is with me and for me and will surprise me with things that I can’t even dream about right now. He has collected all my tears and He weeps with me.. I trust Him fully and will continue to believe that He is in this season with me and that He will deliver me when it is time.

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

( Ephesians 3: 16-20)

6 thoughts on “Grieving and living

  1. Thank you for sharing the true life of a follower of Christ. Yes, He is and always will be the Lord who is a compassionate and loving God. When we are stunned by life and have nothing left, He loves us through the storm. I believe as you do that He will bless you with unknown gifts and even joy in time to come. Now now, for your heart needs to heal and grieve, heal and grieve. Repeat just as often as you need to as He loves you through this process. I will be praying these scriptures over you. May God bless you my Sister…

  2. Hi Alicia,

    I am so sorry I have not reached out till now! We just moved and life these days is working and then being present with the kids, but I’m full of joy and grateful for all God has in our family’s life this past year!!

    Your blog filled me with hope for you! I’m very sorry to hear you lost Steve! I’m glad you are holding on to hope and what you know to be true about our faithful God even amidst sorrow and grief. Way to not take to heart what your friend or person you had the conversation with said about things not changing!!!! I pray you are comforted in the hammock of God’s love in your grieving and that God keeps surprising you with joys all throughout your days!!!! I am praying for you and love you!!!

    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you will abound in hope and overflow with confidence in His promises.”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭AMP‬‬
    https://www.bible.com/1588/rom.15.13.amp

    Sent from my iPhone

    Tiffin L. Howard
    415-306-1592

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