Following up on my last post.. I saw a picture of our last 10 years this morning. We were on a ship and the ship was out at sea. There were storms that passed over us and threatened to drown us.. We were lost much of the time.. it was dark and all we could see was the next small step.. beyond that there was nothing. We held on to each other and we held on to the Lord.. crying out and asking Him to rescue us.. to lead us.. to protect us.. and to guide us. There were times when the silence was unbearable and times when we thought we heard Him say..”come this way” but there was nothing there.. just more disappointment and fear that we might be stuck on this ship forever.. lost at sea.. until there was nothing left of us.. We often felt like disappearing would be the best thing for everyone.. some people would be sad… but others probably would not even notice. The isolation was miserable.. the loneliness unbearable. We knew the Lord was with us, but He was so quiet and distant.. why Lord? Come and find us before we drown.
Too many losses.. too much disappointment.. too many hours filled with a sense of failure and the opportunity to wonder if it is was our fault that things were so difficult. In the end..all we could do is give it all to the Lord.. believing that He was allowing this and that He had a plan for us.. “for good and not for evil.” The journey continues..but now we see land.. He has restored our vision and given us hope.. we believe that He is leading us to a new place and when I stand on the deck and look around , all I see is a beautiful blue sea.. there is no storm on the horizon.. the sky is clear with a few puffy white clouds and it seems like I can see forever. After 10 years on this ship, God has not chosen to take us off and do a great rescue.. the miracle that so many people have prayed for. Instead He has changed us and taught us to trust Him in a deeper way and our marriage is stronger than ever.. that is a much greater miracle. He works through the storms and the tests to change us. He has more of my heart now.. many of my desires are gone… replaced by the ones He has chosen for me. We see land and it is beautiful!
“I am giving all this land, as far as you can see, to you and your descendants as a permanent possession.” (Genesis 13:15)