True Love

The love that God has for us is “true love.” We often refer to it as unconditional love. But do we really know how to receive it?  Growing up in a family where there were unspoken conditions and God’s love was never mentioned.. I have struggled to embrace this love that He offers. Without realizing how deep it has gone, I have always performed for Him.

In some way.. I am re-creating the same dynamics that existed in my childhood. My parents were very successful, both held doctorates and earned quite a bit of money. They were intelligent intellectuals.. thinkers. I was not and knew I could never be what they were. So.. I was the “perfect” daughter.. the one that excelled in school and tried never to bring them any pain.

Once I began to follow God and nurture a relationship with Him, the same pattern emerged. I worked in ministry, tried to be a perfect mom and wife, keep the house just right and basically performed for Him. The ministry experiences were messy and so was our home. I married an addict and was far from the perfect Mom.

God’s love was such a mystery to me.. I think deep down I felt that I had to keep performing or He would soon give up on me. I raised the bar higher and higher until I almost collapsed..

God has me in a healing season..helping me to receive the “true love” that only He can deliver. I can’t  perform the way I once did.. I am beginning to realize that this is a blessing for me. I know now that I may never “do” some of the things I dreamed I would do. God is OK with that.. in fact He is behind that whole idea. I can almost hear Him saying ” I love you with an everlasting love.. I created you and my love for you is not based on anything you ever say or do” 

“God told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will.
   Expect love, love, and more love!”

2 thoughts on “True Love

  1. This is a really poignant post Alicia; in some ways it reflects my life although perhaps in a reverse way. My parents were poor and I suppose what we British (English?) would call Working Class. I may hasten to add we were not particularly wretchedly poor and I had a good and happy childhood and so on. But, we were poor and lived in a not very nice house; I think I still live with feelings of inferiority and I think this is part of the British way; being ashamed of who you are if you are not from a ‘respectable’ background or your parents were just ‘ordinary’, whatever that really means and amounts to.

    Also, neither of my parents or any of my past ancestors or family were educated and I am on my 2nd degree; so I am sort of a reversal to you. I put so many pressures on myself, because I want to achieve a good degree and I want to become a published author; I find it hard to find an answer to this and wonder what God’s answer to my striving is: should I not be ambitious, should I just pray and hope for the best? I really don’t know.

    We all seem to be trapped in one type of cage or another; if you are poor or brought up poor, you want to escape that poverty; and if you come from a background of achievers you are bound to become like them, another achiever; and then we fail to live up to other people’s or our own expectations, we carry a lifetime of regret or guilt or unhappiness around with us; we are in effect bound by mental chains. I think God wants us to break them and not to worry about our origins but to worry more about where we are going!

    I now place personal happiness on the same level as I place my ambitions; in short, one of my ambitions is to BE HAPPY! Incidentally, I’ve written a new post you might like to take a look at, when you have the time.

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