Have you ever just fallen apart? For no reason? It happened to me today. Suddenly I found myself upset and on the verge of tears without knowing why. Emotions that I had been keeping in check..came to the surface and there was nothing I could do. I just had to go with it..trusting that there would be understanding coming from those around me.. there was. The source of the emotions is the grief that I feel every time I see my mom. She is very elderly and helpless now..my dad is gone and she lives in a board and care. They do a great job and she does not complain about the care..but it is a far cry from the life she once shared with my father.
Sometimes I think her aging is harder on me than her. She seems to accept her situation and shows courage. It makes me wonder if I could do as well as she is doing. So here I am comparing myself with her and coming up short. We are so different and yet maybe in some ways so much the same. I survived many things that were incredibly difficult.. without complaining or giving in to self-pity. So here I am in my sixties just beginning to realize that my mother and I are not so different after all.
My challenging season came early in life..hers is at the end. Just as I grew into who I am by going through the trials and struggles.. she is growing..finding herself.. learning to survive in the hard times. We all have these opportunities in life. Some of us have childhood trials that are unbearable. Others survive terrible marriages or overcome addiction. We all face loss..of our loved ones..our dreams..eventually life here on earth. No one gets out of here without enduring pain and suffering.
As I watch my mom in her trial..God meets me bringing reassurance that He is with her. He comforts me as I wait for the inevitable phone call. He is teaching me about her and about myself in this very important season. It is His perfect plan unfolding..day by day.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. “