Four years ago my father died. I didn’t grieve the death at the time because I was suddenly caring for my aging mother who was going blind and depended totally on my Dad. My grief had to be postponed until I could focus on myself..that took about three years. A year ago Mom fell for the millionth time..broke her femur and is now in a wheel chair..almost blind from glaucoma. I placed her in a board and care facility where they take very good care of her. Suddenly the death of my dad became a big issue again.. I realized how much I loved him and how much I missed him. There was a big hole in my heart and no one to fill it.
My dad and I were very much alike..I understand him better now that he is gone. He mothered me more than my mom did. He did all the cooking in our home and he was the one who took care of me when I was sick. He was a caregiver..to a fault..I was the same way. I wish I could sit down and talk about all the things that we both struggled with. Although we didn’t always see eye to eye, I knew he loved me and that he would be there for me if I really needed him.
He is gone and God is teaching me to rely on Him..He is reminding me that He is my father in heaven..soon my mom will die and God will be my mother in heaven as well. Since my dad was almost like a mother to me.. none of this is too mysterious. He is our parent..a father when we need one and a mother when we need one. He looks after us and understands us. He provides for us and rescues us. He finds us when we are missing and saves us when we are drowning. He pursues us when we run and embraces us we turn back to Him. He is our God and He is with us!
“I myself will tend my sheep and give them a place to lie down in peace says the Sovereign Lord. I will search for my lost ones who strayed away and I will bring them safely home again. I will bandage the injured and strengthen the weak…You are my people, I am your God!”